SOME DAYS

Some days my voice gets weak from screaming in silence
I do not wish to speak.
My soul leaks fluid seeping through these eyes
Unarmed with tools to suture my wounds
Yet I seek to discover where the puncture lies.
My efforts are futile;
I curve my lips but still cannot break a smile.

Some days I get too lost within myself
I transform into a different being.
Disgruntled, Ungrateful victim of terror
If seeing be believing
I'm in denial for that cannot be my image in the mirror.
It sells me so short;
Some days I can barely reach anything.

Some days I shove away the hand that feeds
Loneliness welcomes hunger willingly.
There's a hug of which I'm in need
I reject it seemingly.
My body should be labelled 'Out of Order'
No one organ works in conjunction with the other.

Better days I've deemed ordinary
So some days have become necessary

I SEE YOU

I see you.

In the still of the night when silence of your absence grips me, the thought of you trips me and I begin to see you in the times past and that which lies ahead
I see you in the scheme of circumstances when dreams of you haunt me till i wake and loneliness seems to hold me hostage in my bed.

I draw myself further from you but in my reflection I still see you and assume you are near
Objects in mirrors aren't always closer than they appear because I reach out to touch you and all I feel is thin air and a tear
Falling upon my cheek where your hands once grazed, I'm amazed I feel you more and once again you are here.
I see you.

I shut my eyes tight so I wouldn't but the vision only gets clearer
I sense your presence in every sense so intense
I'm convinced you've been sent to create a system error.
Oblivious to the reality that I shouldn't, I see you, the flower girl and the ring bearer
The bridesmaids and grooms men stand in a file while father takes me down the aisle, my face imprinted with a smile seeing you in forever.

I refuse to believe you're not the muse musician's abuse because I see you in every song that I can't help but sing along to
Words, hues combined in a lines paint a different view of you so I know this to be true
Why then do you deny to be being used when my playlist suddenly resembles a slideshow of you?

I see you.

When I stare up the night's skies and stars twinkle down like a sight for sore eyes and in each ray of light, I too see you in sunrise
In every breath and in every thought
In truths, unknowns and in wherever the middle lies
I see you in everything that is within and without, in everything found and everything sought.

I see you.

Do you see me?

JAMESETTA

I caught myself daydreaming once again this morn
With a hand gently placed on my belly in anticipation of my unborn
I imagine her staring wide at me, my child
She possesses her father's dream filled eyes
And carries the joy that is her mother's smile.
I can't shake the tingle running down my spine
She has me wrapped around her little finger
When her little fingers momentarily wrap around mine.
Beautiful innocence made out of love
And love I devotedly give to her
More and more each day, like it could never be enough.
Jamesetta,
After my mother I'm thinking I should name her
She deserves a name synonymous to herself; Unique
Owned only by two from generations before me
She's number three.
The charm lodged in my arms
I'm consumed to keep her there and protect her from harm.
Let there be life and so she'll be
In time; the only gap that separates her from me
But my dreams builds a bridge that draws us together
In them I catch a glimpse of the light I'll call my daughter.
Fervently praying to be

her blessing
Her person and more than a mother should naturally be.
For her I must live true to life and learn what it has to teach
That I may reach her first a model woman
Before I dare ask her to practice what I preach.
I dread those days she strays and I'm pressed to scold her
When she gets lost in her ways and her phases won't let me hold her
I pray I'm not fazed by challenges I'm faced with in my quest to mould her
I trust to raise a true soldier.
Fruit of my womb
Extension of my being
Daddy's angel, mummy's pride
I daydream of the future, hands still on my stomach
Waiting in time for the life yet to grow inside.

REVELATIONS OF MY PEN

With my pen I tell you my thoughts
When nights find me unable to sleep
 I count them like sheep 
With my pen I sell you my flock.

With my pen I hold your hand
 Then allow yours to evenly fit mine
 Suddenly you become me,I become you
 With my pen we're one in time.

My pen strips me down to the bone alone 
My heart beats on paperP
ages overflow with blood and brain matter
 A lifetime supply of fluid 
A great man once said "Ink never turns to stone".

With my pen, I am who I am 
Who I need to be without limitations 
Real or fantasy, drunken or sober 
My pen will be till I am no more.

Ball point, quill, fountain or felt
 So long as these words escape me
 My pen shall write.
 Cursive, plain, italic or bold 
I am a calligrapher in my own right.

My pen is my liberty 
To let it down would defeat the purpose of my peace 
I am not eager to identify with mere men 
So earnestly I cling to my pen

FOR HER

This is for the girl who still loves the one who loved her before
For that glimmer of hope that he'll love her once more
This is for the angel with the fractured wing
Falling down clouds and spacing from the heavens
Missing out on bliss earth could never bring.

This is for the singer who's lost touch with her soul
Her melody is without feeling
Her lyrics without healing
For the young poet spiralling out of control
Their stories remain untold.

This is for she who sits home alone
Her soul mate's gone, children grown
Fleeting memories are all she can call her own.

This is for the internally broken lady
Forced to exchange life for corporate heights
Nights haunted by the cries of her aborted baby.
This is for the void and woes of the barren wife
In a distance, standing distanced from her husband watching another in envy

This is for the innocence of the child paid to get laid
Disgusted by the filth that comes with her trade
If only she had made that grade.
This is for the unwed mother
Always a bridesmaid and never a bride
For the street beggar
Setting her young ones before her pride
This is for the lone soldier
Structured for battle but darkness falls with no one left to hold her.

This is for the lonely girls who have lost their smiles
Though the world seems to revolve without hope
Hold on tight, heaven will be here in a while
Bearing liberation the mind could never conceive
Just say a prayer and then believe.

CAGED BIRD SINGS

I often stared at the caged bird with much pity
It reminded me of the villager
Who never made its way to the city
Behind thin iron bars
On a sill I watched it sit still
It had never once occurred to me
The feathered one remained caged at will.
I could not conceive what joy it could bring
And to me it began to sing:


Many mornings greet me
Sky changeless, clear and blue
But from the old I learnt to create a new
I have become the master of my view.
Contrary to common theory
I do not abide in the company of freedom melodies
No time lost in envy of the purported free
Drifting with wings broken by fears and troubles
That stand more incarcerating than these bars around me.
My mind is poised nevertheless untamed
My soul at liberty to soar the highest heavens
To see it all named and unnamed.
No need to cry for me
My freedom rests within
With contentment I've found my voice
This bird will forever sing.


How absurd!
I had thought it must be
To live life free yet unfree
Until I caught myself singing word for word
To the symphony of the caged bird.

MISS SUPERFICIAL

Hidden beneath layers of artificial coating
She's obsessed with style over substance
Insists on masking her inward with outward clothing
Real recognise real,
Her insecurities won't allow her to comprehend how that feels
Stepping as uncomfortably through her life as she does in those ridiculously high heels
Excessive make up is an unsuccessful disguise
Its clear to the world, her self-dissatisfaction is etched in her eyes
There's no mystery to her so the world stares in silence
Reading her efforts that scream louder than ambulance sirens
Sirens, just like her, forgotten as quickly as they disappear
She has no place, she's neither here nor there.
"Real eyes realize real lies" so it all remain oblivious to her.
Desperate not to be the one on the outside looking in
She finds her pleasure walking in another's skin
She feeds on flattery,
Subtle mockery cooked with gullible words dished out on a silver plate
Constantly fishing for compliments
Her industry manufactured exterior serves as bait
Hauling in fake friends that too dwell on optics
Attracting weak men selling romantic antics
She buys into as easily as she does her cosmetics.
Though the lust-filled species she beds seem to pile up in a heap
Words won't be permitted to label her as cheap
She's merely fallen victim to her unrelenting infatuation with the physical Soliciting affection from another that she's denied herself.
But orgasms last longer than love with the superficial.
Who's to tell her beauty should fade, not expire?
Strip her oustides away and there's nothing left to admire.

HERE FOR YOU

I am here for you
Man in need of me; Woman.
Here to calm your heart and mind
Fatigued from building dreams
Your hands are callous from implementing schemes
I am here at your service
Here too soothe your insides
Starting from the surface.

I am in your midst
Man in need of my whisper
Hear my voice and withdraw from your undertakings
Listen while I verbalize waves of the ocean
Let the night breeze depart from my lips, through your ears
I demand that they seep through your brain and invade your thoughts
Sense my devotion, its forever yours.

No need to call out my name, Man
I am standing right before you
I see you in need of my touch
Aching and yearning; I feel it too
Body against body, heat against heat
Emotions evolve and elate in this physical battle
We both win, there's no defeat.
Escape with me, through me, in me
I'm your woman, endlessly.

Flawed man in dire need of my cater
Succumb to me as I have to you
Surrender your dark skies to me
And I'll return them to you blue.
I am here to replace the hurt
Erase the dirt
Feed your every hunger and quench your thirst
Empower me to complete you.

Wish for me no more for I have come true
Believe me Man, I am here for you.

LETTER TO LOVE

Dear Love,

You've never hurt me
You never laid a hand upon my chest
With intentions of ripping out my heart violently
Squashing and thrashing it till shredded and fell against the dirt of the earth
Like debris; to lay lifelessly.
You've never failed me
People did.

Sick of imitations of you and false facts
You stretched your hand and proposed to cure
But I held back
Forgetting through all things you can endure
You've always been pure and sure
Can't say that I have..
Can't say that I never let go
Though you've never disowned me
You held me together
Promised me forever from the get-go.
My world's fast-paced while yours is set slow
So when you offer adventures on never ending highways
I'm caught between yes's and no's
Forgive my hesitation dear love,
I do not mean to doubt you.

Dreams of you keep me awake
For your sake
I should jump off cliffs and hope to fly
And should I die
Would memories of me linger as the woman who dared to try?
I should dare to risk it all to love you, sweet love.

I've heard of you
Through songs sang, words spoken and unspoken
I've seen you
I've felt a fraction of what I know to be you.
It was you right?
When my doors closed and I waited in dark hallways for another to open
That was you who crept up beside me and had my corner brightened
Lit my nights for the taking.
It had to be you
When tissues and towels failed to wipe away the tears
When cries and fears choked up my nasal pathway
You had to be the stranger whose smile spoke
As if to say "Fret not baby, everything will be okay
I trusted you.

You've always been the same
I believe it's me who's changed
Along with the world, but...
I pray you choose me again
To teach me, that I may learn
I prep myself
To chose you in return.

Forever Yours
Me.

ME

I wish to find me.
I wish to be drawn from this chaos
Let my good intentions be known.
Desire brought me here
The persistent need to be different led me here
I wish to feel me.

I wish to see me.
The real me
I’ve rendered other’s perceptions useless
I wish to know me

Know what truth is
Black is white, white is black
And in between lies a whole lot of grey.

Am I who I think I am?
I encounter crossroads
All roads but one are paved
Call me a fool;
Why this urge to pursue the un tarred path?
‘Normal’ is not my friend.

I am lost
And even when I know where I am
I cannot fathom why I am
Who I am.
I don’t wish to just be
I wish to be me.