IN LOVING MEMORY OF WALEED F. HELWANI

Death does not speak my language
But I believe tears are universal.
So why then do I keep screaming and wailing
Till my body's aching and failing
I'm a child once again, throwing tantrums
Hearing my heart beat through my ears like wild drums
Yet my brother responds not to my call?

The image I grew accustomed to
Has all too soon been depressed to a blotch
The unforeseen stranger stole from our hearts and our homes
And all we could do was watch.

I wish I could speak death's tongue
So I could plead for second, third and perhaps even fourth chances
So I could translate into it the grievances
Of the old and the young
The large, the little
The weak and the strong.
I wish I could offer it all; these possessions
These earthly obsessions
And all I do not lack
So maybe, just maybe oblivion could bring him back.

I take reluctant steps into reality
Greeted by 4-sided murals of spoken words and deeds;
Portraits of days past stamped with authenticity
An array of memories intertwined with eternity.
Still I stand before flashbacks when it begins to dawn
Art remains art even after the painter's gone.

GALLERY OF BROKEN HEARTS

I'm too invested in this thing called love, I'm constantly in that element
Emotions overwhelm me a little too quickly and compromises my intelligence
Cupid must've missed his shot
I must've been standing in somebody's spot
I'm coming up with excuses why this feeling hurts the innocent.
I stood on the battle field so many times, my armour's torn out
My chest organ's been bludgeoned, honestly I'm worn out
Prayers capture that desperate pursuit of happiness
Yet my actions reveal my unwillingness to clean up this beautiful mess
I don't feel at home here, maybe I should just storm out.
What's left of me is outraged
My every being is ready to declare war
Angry voices in my head screaming that I should fight
But now I'm uncertain of what to fight for.
Sentiments run deep, blood flows fiercely through my veins
As I stare hopelessly at my heart's remains

Reflections in the mirror draws out a scarred woman

Frustrations starting to set in, everyday I feel less human.

The canvas is splattered with thickness of red

Oozed out of my body like I slept with thorns in my bed

Pain, hurt and anger displayed underneath these clothes and smile like a work of art

I may just as well be another show piece in the gallery of broken hearts.

SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE

I know about a thing about love
He wraps his body around me and holds my head at that place
That space right between his arm and his face
Leaves my ear pressed against his beating chest
I hear his heart's pace
I pull myself closer and on my head he plants a kiss
I kill off the world in a flap of eyelids
Its just us, nobody exists
There has to be a word for this
Is this bliss?
In his voice I'm thrown in a zone of my own
It feels so natural here
I must be home.
I must've picked out these drapes and painted these walls
Colours burst out like his laughter
I've roamed these halls
Portraits display memories, the opening and closing of every chapter
In each I find a girl in a woman, a woman in a girl
Both lost in a man and a possible happy ever after.

I know a thing about love
He took a piece of my soul
Filled the void with a portion of his and again made me whole
These feelings enslave me
They're projected in my talk, my walk
I feel like one when he calls me baby.
Everyday my smile sings of a new song
A new beat, a tune I ached to hear for so long
My emotions render me weak yet I've never felt so strong.
I know about that feeling when he's not there
My vision's suddenly impaired
And I hate my arms for its inability to draw him near
So I hold on to his lingering scent and replay time spent
Settled on my imagination, I'm content
For soon I trust he'll be here.
And when he arrives I cater to him
Like too much is never enough
Because I know about this feeling
And I believe this thing called love

MY HAIR SPEAKS

My hair speaks in volumes
Its not your everyday crowd pleaser yet it commands and moves rooms
My hair is loudmouthed and multi-lingual, its speech is free
I am more than the rebellious strands on my head, my hair is a part of me.

We are suppressed in our own home by strangers we ourselves welcomed in
Ignorance breeds complacency stealing our beauty from within
You mean I must burn and scathe my scalp just so I can be accepted
By this so-called society that in itself is lost and dejected?

Don't get me wrong I don't judge your choice
White cream to you is the 'good' easy way
I'm just saying my hair has a voice
What does your hair say?

I am like these twists and snap-back curls
I'm stubborn in my ways, mother says I'm daddy's girl
These knots and locks are a reminder to keep it real
That matters more to me than how it makes you feel

What you see is what you get, I am that natural
I've got my mic and lyrics, my hair's like the instrumental
My hair is symbolic, I flaunt this look to show off my pride
It's expressive, a sneak peek of who I am inside.

I'm nappy and kinky
Be that as it may,
My hair has a voice
What does your hair say?
  

TODAY IS MY TOMORROW

Today I grow
I build these bones to battle these sticks and stones
Today I pave my way for tomorrow.
Today I seek my pen and write these words
I fashion my fingers to play these chords
I reach within myself and find that voice
I sing out today is my tomorrow.

I'm ridding my closet of all its skeletons
I'm slowly killing off these demons
I fit my feet in familiar shoes
Retracing my steps, I'm back seated in church pews
My mind captured by the preacher's sermon.
So I swallow Bible verses and teachings while slowly my priorities no longer aimlessly roam
And like the prodigal child today I find my way back home.

Today I love because I can
Like this feeling seeps helplessly through my veins
Embedded permanently in my brain
An evasion would be negligence of the woman I am
The woman I yearn to be
Soaked in this sea of reality
My hopes and dreams keep my head above water
I refuse to drown
I can't be held down
Convince myself its a case of mind over matter
Today I'm a lover and a fighter.

Today I make my own decisions and accept responsibility, no regrets
I face this black and white world head on, no color effects
The girl lives on but the woman's in control
I'm refreshed, renewed
Mind, body and soul.
I keep living, keep learning, keep teaching myself what I should know
It's for my today. Its for my tomorrow.

I MISS YOU

I'm singing
So in my voice, you'll hear
The way I feel today
In words I yearn to say
At the drop of a tear
Baby, I wish you were here.
Your absence has brought a void
A partial hole
Right here in my heart
But I'm not alone
I've got your love to hold
For this time that
We're apart.
I kiss the air
While I picture you there
I'm a woman aching for her man.
I'm reaching for every memory
Believing in every destiny
I'm keeping you close
The best way I can.
Baby, I miss you
Painfully,
I wishwe were together
But here's something else I learnt
I now know what they meant
By absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Please come home
Come stay indefinitely
There are many things we could do
Most of all
Just come be with me.

KISS

My temperature’s changed
Can’t tell if it’s higher or lower
My heart beats different
Is it faster or slower?
I’ve lost control over my mind
Seem to have discarded every thought
I’m swallowing down a choke
I’m not breathing as I ought.
He’s standing too close to me
His body’s too near
My knees neglect me
I’ll fall soon, I fear.
One touch makes me shiver
Another makes me moan
In his warmth there is evidence
His feelings match my own.
I sense first before I feel
As his lips come down on mine
I smile through a kiss as we create
A memory in fine design.
A touch of lips, an opening of hearts
Insight of what's yet to be
Its the birth of a promise, a moment of treasure
A dream become reality.

WOMAN

I am the definition of myself
The revelation of the unknown
I am mystery herself
The unturned stone.

I am perfect through my imperfection
I am a story to be told
I am a help, a healer, a blessing
A sight to behold.

I redesign simplicity
I sprout desire in the air
I spotlight the possibility
Of serenity everywhere.

I threaten waves in a mere glimpse
Crystals compete with the spark in my eyes
I approached life and ever since
Everyday is an awaiting surprise.

I am a riddle that blows the mind
The companion of every man
I'm strong, powerful, truly one of a kind
I am the woman in every woman.
 

SISTERHOOD

This love that I speak of involves no romance
No courtship, no first kiss,
Not the constant holding of hands
As we
Walkthrough the streets, stroll through our lives
Naah, none of that love at first glance.
Our minds have been fixated to
Love only between a boy and a girl
Now I know I’ve seen not much of this world
And my mind may still be in a twirl
But I,
Beg to differ
Cuz you see this girl is like my sister
And I miss her
When I’m not with her
Yes we have our differences
Differences that makes us similar
Cuz though we see the world through different eyes
It’s always the same picture.
These words come not only from my mind
But from the part of my heart
Where she safely lays
Love your neighbor as yourself
So the Good Book says
I’ve known to have loved her more than myself
On those desperate days
When it was
Too hard get up
Too hard to stand
Every step forward
Was like sinking in quicksand
But she made me laugh when all else made me cry
I’d hear her “hello” when voices echoed goodbye
She listened, when my problems, I told her
As tears fell free from my eyes she let me hold her
I was comforted not just by her hands, laps and shoulders
But the words she spoke,
With eyes closed
My burdens she helped me raise to our Heavenly Father
And at that moment I was better.
My lips, I found curled in a smile
Happiness,
A landof hope I had misplaced for a while
And from a child
I grew
Into a woman, I understood
The bond of sisterhood
Dies not on account of adulthood
Rejected not by the joys of motherhood
Matrimony, yes that’s good
But to my friend, I’ll still hold true
Cuz from my point of view
She’s God’s subtle message of ‘’I love you’’
Not many know of this love
That I speak of
This love that the Bible yearns to teach us
I’m a better person just because
I love her.
My friend my sister…